Jul 15, 2011

The Hyrule Times Issue 001: Pranksters Run Amok

Kakariko Village:
Widespread vandalism uncovered in town today. Several wooden signs and clay pots have been destroyed across town and life savings stolen from several homes. Further investigation revealed several graves desecrated in the graveyard behind the town. Guards only have one lead, a scrawny fairy boy last seen wearing a green tunic and claiming to be linked to the royal family. Locals are encouraged to stay indoors whenever possible until the culprit is found.


New Vegas:
The death toll climbs to fifty in an ongoing investigation. All have been killed by grenades hidden in their clothing. Reports suggest that prior to each explosion the culprit yells, "fire in the hole!" The deaths started a week ago with the fiftieth victim found two days ago. No new grenade deaths have been reported since and there are no leads.


Teufort:
No further developments in the ongoing battle for Teufort. Reports say the two factions' Snipers took turns shooting and missing each other. Meanwhile the rest of the team sat in the courtyard having a picnic and playing poker while guarded by sentries. The latest reports say the Pyro is winning due to his indiscernible poker face and ambiguous gender. The Heavy Weapons Guy said, "I not sure if Pyro lady or if should let win" then proceeded to eat another poker chip and shortly thereafter required  medical assistance.

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